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‘It took me a long time to free my mind’: Charlotte Grimshaw on her father CK Stead

In an extract from her memoir, the New Zealand writer questions the years she spent defending her famous father in public

When I turned 13 it seemed that, for my mother, Kay, and my father, Karl, I had become simply “another woman” in the house. He joked and flirted, annoying Kay, and behaved as if we were not a family but a group of individuals: one man, three women including my sister (flatterers, rivals for his attention) and a son whom he tended to overlook. Oliver either refused to participate, or wasn’t invited to the fanclub.

All the language and behaviour changed; they stopped behaving like parents. He liked the idea I could write, and she, already stung, hurt and excluded by the disloyalty of his infidelities, grew so hostile towards me that daily life turned toxic.

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